This October, I attended a women’s conference at my church and one of the sessions dealt with forgiveness and God’s grace. During that session, we talked about how God desires to forgive us and give us a fresh start once we confess. The discussion then moved on to how we should extend that same grace to others. Then, the leader walked over to a folding chair and sat it down in front of the podium. “Think about the person or persons who have offended you and place them in this chair,” she said. “After you have thought about it for a moment, I want you to forgive them. Say it and forgive them with your whole heart.”

As I sat in my seat processing the task given to me, I suddenly had a problem. Images of all the possible candidates for that seat flashed through my mind one by one. Former schoolmates from the days when I was bullied, previous employers, family members, past love interests…but no one seemed to click for me. “I’ve already forgiven them,” I thought. Suddenly, it became very clear who really needed to take that seat.That person was ME. 

I have never really had a problem forgiving others no matter how egregious the offense. I have to try really, really hard to stay angry with someone and it’s just not worth the effort to me. But when it comes to how I treat myself, well that’s a completely different story. I am the type of person who replays my errors in my mind over and over as if doing that will somehow give me a chance to rewrite history. Constantly reinforcing that negativity in my mind only makes me feel worse. It took that forgiveness exercise to make me recognize the heavy load of unforgiveness I’ve been toting around on my shoulder for so long. Sure, I’ve prayed and received God’s forgiveness for my mistakes. I truly believe that He has totally moved on. But I never did.

The things I needed to get past weren’t entirely extreme or uncommon. Individually, these things were small, but collectively, they made a dramatic impact on my life. Like the many times I told myself I couldn’t do something because I was too scared to fail. Or, the times I stopped myself from doing something I thought someone else could do better. Or, other times when I settled for less than I deserved because I thought I couldn’t do anything better. But mainly, I wasted so much time listening to the lies the devil told me which led to so many other mistakes on my part….

My inability to forgive myself for those mistakes are what led me to wake up one morning totally dissatisfied with my life. I was miserable and I was angry, but there was no one to blame but me. So I did exactly that.

If anyone knows what I am talking about, I want to encourage you to do what I did a few weeks ago. Imagine that same folding chair and place yourself in it. Say “I forgive you.” Then move on. God said in Isaiah 43:25 that He will forgive our sins for His own sake and never think of them again. For your own sake, do the same. Until we learn to truly forgive ourselves and move on, we will never be able to extend any grace to someone else. There is no benefit in dwelling on things of the past, especially when they are negative. There is freedom in forgiveness. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past. It’s over and done with. Do yourself a favor…Forgive.

Scriptures of Encouragement

Ephesians 1:4 (NLT)
Acts 13:39
1 John 1:9
Isaiah 43:18-19 (AMP)
Isaiah 43:25 (NLT)